The ongoing problem with bullying in schools

The number one reason for enrollment in the past few years has been a growing problem with bullying in the schools. This has been brought to our attention by the parents that are actually aware. We are sure there are parents that do not even know it is happening.

Why is there an increase in bullying occurring?

For a number of reasons, and today is our first step in making sure of two things. First, that the bullying stops, and second that if a child is ever faced with this type of situation, he or she will know how to react!
When we look at the type of children that tend to be bullies it is very clear that they are children who lack self-confidence. Hence, they take their anger and frustrations out on someone else. This not only happens to children at school, it happens in relationships, work and sports, as well. The reason it happens is because these individuals lack self- control. Every one has a bad day, or goes through a bad stretch in life, but those who have self control, are able to channel their anger. Maybe you are reading this and saying, “I am angry. I am not releasing my frustration on an activity like martial arts. I’m releasing it on my family or friends.” Well, if that is the case then you should be talking to an instructor today about getting involved in one of our programs.

When I first started training in the martial arts, I had a temper. However, I was never a bully towards other people. The arts showed me how to use my self control. It showed me how to count to 10 and take a breath before reacting. There are many people around me who have gained self-control and self-confidence from training in the martial arts, as well. By building a high level of self confidence, one is able to prevent bullying. This is done through individual accomplishments. When a student makes it through Black Belt Testing, it should be a transformation. For me it was a life changing experience. After finishing my test, I knew that I could do anything I wanted. Also, after going through the fighting part of the evaluation, I felt confident in the fact that I could defend myself. I noticed changes in situations or confrontations with others. I was not nervous; I did not get loud, just a cool, calm, and collected approach to resolving the situation.

What are we going to do to prevent this behavior amongst members of the school and the community?
We are going to offer a Bully Prevention seminar to help our members take care of these challenges with bullies, in a cool, calm, and collected manner. Self- defense will be a last resort; first we will take a few countable measures that can prevent an altercation. But first, we must start with self-confidence; this is the single most important attribute of defense!

When your children go to high school, unfortunately it is even more difficult. Bullying, peer pressure, and social activities can become major obstacles for them. And one thing that I have noticed is the children who make the martial arts a life long commitment and train from a young age all the way through high school, have far less challenges than children who stop training. The point is that in order to reap the benefits of the martial arts, one must keep active.

Bullying will continue, until we reach a level of self-confidence where bullies will avoid us. There is no quick karate or martial arts move that can stop it. It is a life commitment of confidence, self-control, and self-defense training that can take years to develop. So start now the most important move is taking the first step. Here at Inferno MMA, we are on an on-going mission to educate people in bully prevention. Call us today and set yourself or your child up for our free seminar.

I would appreciate any feedback!

Ashley Sparks
http://www.InfernoMMA.com
479-715-6625

Center yourself

“Dance as though no one is watching.
Love as though you’ve never been hurt.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth.”

– Souza

When our thoughts are scattered in several directions at once and we are no longer conscious of what we are doing or why, it is time to center ourselves. When we center ourselves, we begin by acknowledging that we have become spread too thin and we are no longer unified inside. Our thoughts might be out of sync with our feelings, and our actions may be out of sync with both. The main signs that we need to center ourselves are scattered thoughts and a feeling of disconnection or numbness, as if we are no longer able to take anything in. In addition, we may feel unfocused and not present in our bodies. Centering ourselves is a way of coming to terms with all the different energies within us and drawing them back into ourselves.

Centering yourself means that you are working from or being aware of the core of your being in the solar plexus area of your body. At first it may not make sense, but as you progress you will understand what this feels like. We naturally know how to center ourselves when we take a deep breath, for example, before making a big announcement or doing something big. Another way to center ourselves is to sit down and engage in breath meditation. We can start by simply getting into a comfortable upright position and noticing as our breath enters and leaves our bodies. Our breath flows into our center and out from our center, and this process can serve as a template for all of our interactions in the world. In conversations, we can take what our friends are saying into the center of our beings and respond from the center. Our whole lives mirror this ebb and flow of energy that begins and ends at the center of ourselves. If we follow this ebb and flow, we are in harmony with the uni! verse, and when we find we are out of harmony, we can always come back into balance by sitting down and observing our breath.

When we sit down to center ourselves we can imagine that we are gathering our straying thoughts and energies back into ourselves, the way a mother duck gathers her babies around her. We can also visualize ourselves casting a net and pulling all the disparate parts of ourselves back to the center of our being, creating a sense of fluid integration. From this place of centeredness, we can begin again, directing ourselves outward in a more intentional way.

All the best,
Ashley Sparks
Inferno MMA
715-6625
http://www.InfernoMMA.com

Head over heart?

Most of us were born and raised in cultures that value the head over the heart and, as a result, we place our own hearts below our heads in a sort of inner hierarchy of which we may not be conscious. What this means is that we tend to listen and respond from the neck up, often leaving the rest of our bodies with little or no say in most matters. This is a physical habit, which sometimes feels as ingrained as the way we breathe or walk. However, with effort and awareness, we can shift the energy into our hearts, listening and responding from this much deeper, more resonant place.

The brain has a masterful way of imposing structure and order on the world, creating divisions and categories, devising plans and strategies. In many ways, we have our brains to thank for our survival on this planet. However, as is so clear at this time, we also need the wisdom of our hearts if we wish to continue surviving in a viable way. When we listen from our heart, the logical grid of the brain tends to soften and melt, which enables us to perceive the interconnectedness beneath the divisions and categories we use to organize the world. We begin to understand that just as the heart underlies the brain, this interconnectedness underlies everything.

Many agree that this is the most important work we can do at this time in history, and there are many practices at our disposal. For a simple start, try sitting with a friend and asking him to tell you about his life at this moment. For 10 minutes or more, try to listen without responding verbally, offering suggestions, or brainstorming solutions. Instead, breathe into your heart and your belly, listening and feeling instead of thinking. When you do this, you may find that it’s much more difficult to offer advice and much easier to identify with the feelings your friend is sharing. You may also find that your friend opens up more, goes deeper, and feels he has really been heard. If you also feel great warmth and compassion, almost as if you are seeing your friend for the first time, then you will know that you have begun to tap the power of listening with your heart.

The powerful mind

The power of the mind is a curious thing, because it is so powerful yet so difficult to control sometimes. We find ourselves thinking a certain way, knowing that this thought may be creating trouble for us yet we find it difficult to stop. For example, many people have the experience of getting sick at the same time every year or every time they go on a plane. They may even be aware that their beliefs impact their experiences, so continue to think they will get sick and then they do.

Sometimes we need to get sick in order to process something or move something through our bodies. But often we get sick, or feel exhausted, because we don’t make the effort to galvanize the power of our minds in the service of our physical health, which is one of its most important functions. We really can use it to communicate to our bodies, yet we often regard the two as separate entities that have little to do with one another.

Knowing this, we have the power to create physical health and mental health, simply by paying attention to the tapes running in our minds. Once we hear ourselves, we have the option to let that tape keep running or to make a new recording. We harness the power of the mind in our defense when we choose supportive, healing words that foster good health and high spirits. All we need to do is remember to tend the field of our mind with the attentive and loving hand of a master gardener tending her flower beds, culling out the weeds so that the blossoms may come to fruition.

Appreciation

Everyone likes to feel appreciated. Whether it is a simple thank you for an act of kindness or a prestigious award for service to the community, the acknowledgement for a job well done motivates us to continue doing these good things.

We should remember how being appreciated makes us feel when dealing with our children. Sometimes we are so quick to point out what a child failed to do that we fail to acknowledge the good or expected things they do. The more we express our appreciation of the good things our children do, the more we motivate them to continue with this good behavior.

Showing your appreciation can help you build healthy relationships with your children. This can be especially true with teenagers. In this rebellious stage, hearing only about how their room is not clean or their grades are not good enough instead of what a great job they did looking after their younger siblings or performing in the school concert can shut teenagers off completely from their parents.

In order to keep the lines of communication open, it is important to encourage them, not only when they do a good job at something but also when they do what is expected of them time and time again. When they see that you notice all of the hard work they do they will know that it is not for nothing.

Think about a time you have come home from work tired, only to find a pile of dirty clothes to be washed, a pile of clean clothes to be folded and a cluttered kitchen to be straightened up before you start dinner. Now imagine that your family shows no acknowledgement for clothes and house you have cleaned or the dinner you have cooked. Sometimes we can take these ordinary tasks for granted. It is during these times that we feel like throwing in the towel and saying “I’m not going to do these things if they go unnoticed.”

Now think of the same situation, but imagine that your family says thank you for the clean clothes and house and the wonderful meal. Even though you are completing the same tasks, they will not seem as dismal because you know they are appreciated. We can give this same motivation to our children by acknowledging a job well done. Even if it is just saying thank you for doing the dishes, knowing that you appreciate what they have done will make them more apt to repeat the action, maybe even without being asked.

It is not only important for you to appreciate your children, but also to teach them to appreciate others. The best way to do this when they are younger is to teach them “please and thank you.” If you start teaching them how to show gratitude at an early age, it will become second nature when they are older. Sometimes children may need a hint at when they should show their appreciation, like making thank you cards after a birthday party, for example. Teach them that sometimes a small act on their part can mean the world to someone else and make that person feel appreciated.

Children want to do the right thing. They want to please their parents and be told that they are doing a great job. Doing so will give them confidence and self-assurance as well as encourage them to build good habits for the future. The more you show your appreciation when your children do the right things, the better they will feel about doing them.

All the best!
Ashley Sparks
http://www.InfernoMMA.com
ashley@InfernoMMA.com
(479) 715-6625

Are you surrounding yourself with positive people?

In our everyday life we are surrounded by a variety of people. Some of the people we deal with on a daily basis are a joy to be with, and their loving presence nurtures and encourages us. Others may have the opposite effect, draining us of our energy, making us feel tired and exhausted. Our well-being can be easily influenced by those around us, and if we can keep this in mind, we will have greater insights into the quality of our social interactions and their energetic effect on us.

Once we think more deeply about the people we interact with, it becomes easier for us to work toward filling our lives with people who help us cultivate healthy and positive relationships. Even though it might not always seem like we have much control over who we are with, we do. The power to step back from toxicity lies within us. All we have to do is take a few moments to reflect on how another person makes you feel. Assessing the people we spend the most time with allows us to see if they add something constructive to, or subtract from, our lives. Should a friend sap our strength, for example, we can simply set the intention to tell them how we feel or simply spend less time with them. We will find that the moment we are honest with ourselves about our own feelings, the more candid we can be with others about how they make us feel. While this may involve some drastic changes to our social life it can bring about a personal transformation that will truly empower us, since ! the decision to live our truth will infuse our lives with greater happiness.

When we surround ourselves with positive people, we clear away the negativity that exists around us and create more room to welcome nurturing energy. Doing this not only enriches our lives but also envelopes us in a supportive and healing space that fosters greater growth, understanding, and love of ourselves as well as those we care about.

All the best,
Ashley Sparks
Inferno MMA
ashley@InfernoMMA.com
http://www.InfernoMMA.com

As you think

“As you think, so shall you become”.
This statement of power is vitally important to all Martial Arts students. Notice here I say students and not teachers. We are all Martial Art students. We all learn or should be learning on a constant and consistent basis daily. This statement is also equally and vitally important to everyday people. Why is this?

“If you think poor, you will be poor”.
With the majority of people believing that the economy is in the toilet, the so called leaders are advocating downsizing and re-structuring of business models. The real way to look at this is the above statement. There are many opportunities to generate money. Why do the Donald Trumps of the world continue to live well and grow in an economy that people have been told is bad? Today I was speaking with a father of one of my students who is collecting unemployment. He told me that if he took a job he would make less than he is collecting on unemployment. So I invited him to one of our business meetings to see if the business model we have is a fit for him. No obligations, no commitments. But, the possibility of learning how to generate more money each month! What do you think the answer was?

“If you think you can’t, then you definitely won’t.

Here is another statement of power. The difference is it is a negative statement of power. Imagine if a fighter went into the ring thinking he won’t win, or a solider going into battle in Iraq thinking he will be killed? Daily we are presented with a multitude of opportunities to grow mentally, physically and spiritually. But, do we take advantage of these opportunities or remain lazy and let them pass by? Every minute, of every hour, of every day is your moment of power. The moment you can change your outlook on life, your outlook on relationships and your out look on money.

Learn to grow and learn to work on change learn to generate money from all the opportunities presented.

Open your mind to all possibilities!

Ashley Sparks
http://www.InfernoMMA.com
ashley@InfernoMMA.com
(479) 715-6625

A story of perseverance

Success or Failure….make your choice!

A story of perseverance

Testing is an ongoing cycle in martial arts. This is the way that students can demonstrate what they have learned over a period of time. At Inferno MMA we test about every 6 weeks. This past testing was one that I will not soon forget. My 8 year old son Ethan was scheduled to test for his red belt this past Tuesday. He practiced hard both in and out of class with this testing in sight. He has his eyes set on becoming a black belt some day. As his coach and his Dad, I new the difficulty of this particular testing. It is a requirement that students testing for their red belts to break their boards as a test of speed, power, and accuracy. As a general rule, students are told to practice hard during class and this will prepare them for board breaking, and the other challenges in testing. There are other alternatives available for practice; there are re-breakable boards, real boards, and padded target to prepare students.

As a general rule, I do not grade Ethan in testing’s. My distinguished colleague Kaleb Plank grades him to minimize any bias that a father may have towards his own kid. During testing, I noticed that his scores were great! So confidence and excitement was building. 5 rounds on the heavy bag, demonstration of grappling and kickboxing techniques, grappling and sparring were all completed! All that was left was board breaking.

When it was his turn to break Ethan got his boards and gave them to the holders. He was to break with a knife hand strike and an ax kick. He introduced himself to the other students and parents and then it was time! He broke his first board with a knife hand strike! Half way there! He hit the next board, but did not break. He bowed in again and hit it again. In a hurry (either from adrenaline, fatigue from testing, or just being an excited 8 year old boy) he quickly hit the board again with no technique or intention, and without permission. Yes, he was later reprimanded for this! He was given his last chance!

He didn’t break.

He turned to me with a look of disappointment and said “daddy, I’m sorry”. It was at this point that I got to feel what it like to be both his daddy, and his coach. The “daddy” side was more dominant for sure. I was extremely disappointed, not in Ethan, but just the situation. I gave Ethan a hug and told him that he had nothing to be sorry for, that I loved him, and that I was proud of him.

Testings are always hectic immediately after they are finished. But as fast as it started, the kids and parents were gone. This gave me a minute for everything to sink in. I went to my office to think about the night. I immediately started getting angry at the whole situation. It wasn’t fair that he doesn’t get to pass just because he didn’t break one of his boards. What is the big deal? Right?

The “father” side of my role here at Inferno MMA completely took over. I went to Kaleb to talk about the situation. Is this “no break, no pass” rule really necessary? Is it fair? I just wanted to tell Ethan that he succeeded! Of course, we talked about it. Kaleb reminded me about the rules being set for a reason. I didn’t like it, but I knew he was right. But if that was true, I had to go home so that I could tell Ethan that he didn’t pass his exam.

After what seemed like an eternity, I arrived at home. I told Ethan that I needed to talk to him. Before I even started he said “daddy, I tried my hardest”. I think that he thought that he was in trouble! I assured him that he wasn’t in trouble. We sat down and I explained to him that he didn’t pass. He didn’t really say anything. He sat quietly for a moment and I saw a tear roll down his cheek. I told him that I was so proud of everything that he did tonight and how awesome his first board break was! (a knife hand strike is a high degree of difficulty). He asked if he had to go to the awards ceremony and I told him “yes!” This is one of many obstacles that he will have to overcome in his life. To not face it, embrace it, and defeat it, will keep you from learning. I told him to hold his head high, and to know that he will pass it the next time!

I sometimes think of the 5 stages of grief as being something that only happens when dealing with death, but I (and Ethan too) had to grieve and come to terms with this loss.

Every parent wants what is best for their kids. We also NEVER want to see our children hurt for any reason.

This is a post that shows a very vulnerable side of me. I am posting this so parents will understand that, if and/or when this happens to your child, please try and turn it into a life lesson. We understand that you want what is best for your child, but please understand that the rules are there for a reason. Take a step back and look at the big picture:
1. This will only make Ethan a stronger martial artist
2. Learning to deal with disappointment will help him to develop a healthy coping skill
3. This will give him 6 more weeks to train and master his ax kick
4. Belt Rank is NOT a race, it is a journey that has lots of obstacles and is to be earned

Please share this post with all of your friends and leave feedback!

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity. William A. Ward

When we’re in a good mood, we shine like the sun. But if we find ourselves in the presence of a person, or people, in a grumpy mood, it can feel like a dark cloud approaching to dim our radiance and block our positive way of seeing the world. We can remind ourselves that clouds pass, while the sun and stars continue to shine above. Then it’s easier to think of these grumps affectionately, knowing that they only have the power to affect our mood if we allow it. With the power of change firmly in our hands, we can choose how to respond to a grumpy person, or a grumbling group of people, with confidence and understanding.

Like a lighthouse, we can continue to shine through the darkness, offering our light to help others find their way back to their own. We can send them a silent prayer of peace or a sympathetic smile. We may sense that reaching out to offer a comforting touch or hug can ease their frustrations and cause the clouds to dissipate. If they need understanding, we can sympathize without reinforcing the negativity they may be experiencing by directing their attention someplace more positive. Helping them find the humor in their situation might be appropriate and is a great way to lift spirits, or a logical approach may help them see all the good in the situation, in their lives and in the world.

We might find that someone we encounter often seems to be in a perpetual state of gloom. Our tendency in such cases may be to try to avoid them, but instead we can make the choice to offer support that comes from the heart. We may be inspired to ask if they would like some help or to offer suggestions that have helped us in the past. We can include thoughts of their health and happiness in our times of prayer and meditation. When we lend our energy to uplift another in any way, we improve our own lives while making the world a better place for all of us.

Lets do our part in working towards uplifting someones day!

Ashley Sparks
Inferno MMA
(479) 715-6625
http://www.InfernoMMA.com

Martial Arts for Children – A Note to Parents About Motivation Problems and Child Development

By Jeffrey Miller
I want to address a common parental concern that I continue to encounter, both in my role as a martial arts teacher, and as a fellow parent. This is in the difficulty that many parents often encounter in getting their youth student to martial arts class only to be even more confused at their child’s enthusiasm when they are actually in class. “I have to fight to get them here,” or “He just wants to play with his friends,” are common complaints that I hear from frustrated parents.
Often, these parents consider letting their son or daughter quit but then come to find that’s not what the child wants. “How,” they ask me, “can he want to keep training but fight me when it’s time to come?”
They find it very difficult to understand the contradiction between having to fight to get their child to class and the fact that they have so much fun when they get there.
To solve the ‘mystery’ and eliminate the misunderstanding we must first understand the way a child thinks and the way their brain has developed to this point in their young lives.
What makes them resist coming to class but enjoy it once they are here? The answer is Timing.
And this is linked to the physiological development and growth of their brain.
Quite frankly, children (and some adults) have not developed an understanding of the concept of scheduling and timing. That is to say that, once they have become involved in something, that is what they want to do. Anything else, regardless of how pleasurable or necessary, at that moment is seen as a hindrance to ‘this moment’s fun.’ Whether it is watching TV or playing with their friends, or whatever, once a child becomes involved in something, anything, that “thing” gets ALL of their attention – period.
Don’t blame the child or think that you must be a bad parent or the only one dealing with this sort of thing. It is completely natural. The reality of the matter is that your child cannot do what you ask because:
1) He or she is NOT an adult in a smaller body
2) The parts of the brain that process this type of information and data, quite literally, haven’t developed yet, and…
3) He or she has been ALLOWED to get involved in something that you know will capture his or her attention before you need them to go to class
And, therein lies the secret for overcoming both the frustration and the confusion. Just don’t allow your young martial artist to get into anything that you KNOW will make him or her not want to stop when it’s time to go to martial arts or karate class.
Won’t they go stir-crazy? What’s a child to do while waiting?
Good question. And the answer is practice “preparing for class.” This simple step will actually help your child to develop the skills you’re looking for and promote brain growth in those areas.
So, instead of letting them drift into TV Land or glued to the computer screen, at least for the hour or so before you’ll be leaving for class have them “get ready.” Make it a rule that they have to make sure that they have their uniform, belt, and equipment. Have them practice their moves by “showing you what they learned last class” or “what their favorite techniques are.”
We as parents and teachers must help our children over these moments with gentle reminders of other commitments and necessities until they learn this for themselves. Unfortunately, until a child learns to project their thought processes forward to specific time periods (as opposed to the general “can we ____ sometime?” or “when will it be tomorrow?”) they will have to be taken away from things they are engaged in ‘at the moment.’ I know it’s rough, but it’s also “natural.” And, no amount of wishing for an easier job as a parent will make your child’s brain work any differently. The fact is that, until this skill develops, YOU will have to be there as a stand-in to help them through.
So, the next time you have to do something like coming to martial arts class, try giving your child a “heads-up” before they become involved in any activity. Once they get in the habit of thinking ahead and preparing for a future event, they will do more and more of it on their own. Until then, it will take a little nudging, prodding, and reminding.

I think this is a great article. I would like to hear your feedback!